Monday, February 05, 2007

Ladies Consumer Behavior - The Parzania Experience

There are few strange things about the movie Parzania , Times of India and Rajeev Masand of CNN IBN agreed that a movie is good for the first time in the Indian movie review history.

#2.It was banned in Gujarat and watching any banned movie gives as much vicarious pleasure as jumping over the boundary walls at night to watch a movie during my hostel days.

#3.Sarika is playing the lead role in the movie and I generally have a soft corner for all people who have a broken relationship like me.

#4.Miss . RS (Soon to turn into Mrs.RS with some one else) who generally likes watching movies and who is ga ga about movies like Vivah , Jooth Bole Kawa Kathe and Yun Hotha tho Kya Hotha said the movie seems to be a bore.

Weather in North India had turned less foggy and Nariyal Chutney was basically looking forward to a lazy weekend in the company of few books from second hand book market in Daryaganj . One of those feel-good days when you dont want to get up from bed and decide that you will login only four times to gmail , two times to rediffmail , only once to Yahoo Messenger and 0 times to Orkut (Hating to login to Orkut these days Dont know why). Oh and there is this mallu movie featuring cute, pretty and warm actress on whom I was always keeping one of my two eyes firmly fixed ever since she made her debut.

Saturday went fine as planned but Miss RS called me out for a lunch on Sunday.Miss RS is a very good friend and was among those few sensible girls in Delhi University( This has been rephrased because of a threat) few sensible girls out of the girls I Know in Delhi University . Nariyal Chutney Knew something was in stock as soon as I saw the bulldozer called Miss RS coming in through the entrance of the mall and the vibes and waves of excietement could be felt reverberating through the air .

She came , stopped ,panted and Nariyal Chutney patiently waited for her to stop panting

Miss RS: Hi Nariyal Chutney

NC: Hi Maaam

Miss RS: I am getting Married

NC: Who is the bride?

MRS RS (Note that Miss chnaged to Mrs as soon as she announced her marriage):He is in .... , What did u ask? Didnt u ask who is the bride?

NC: No I asked who is the groom

MRS RS: $#@$@$#%#%#$%%#%, Your Lunch is cancelled

NC: Hey , U have gone slimmer ( This is a Nariyal Chutney strategy. Girls are generally very conscious about their looks and shapes)

MRS RS : Ya I know , I have been working out too hard, U know..

NC: Yes yes , The lunch in Fortune Cookies is very nice

MRS RS: What Lunch ? I am not sponsoring you anything , your treat is cancelled else give me company for shopping and then we will watch a movie .

NC: Ok but we will watch Parzania ( still under the influence of reason#1)

MRS RS : That movie seems to be a bore , it is an award type , let us go for Salam E Ishq .

NC: No No , we have seen Salman flexing his muscles so many times in so many movies and shows , If parzania is bad I will sponsor your dinner.

MRS RS:Hmm , Ok Let us have lunch and go for shopping

My heart stopped beating for a full five seconds after lunch. Males go and finish it with in few minutes and come back but females my god , they attack the shops with the glee of a duck that has just seen water in a pond and the excited roseating mood in which Mrs RS was in shopping didnt seem an attractive proposition to be engaged in on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Circa 199X , In Kochi , when my Amma wants to go for shopping , she calls dad. "Are you hearing , I want to go to Varkeys to buy these things from this list ?". My dad looks up from the paper , puts an expression as if he is dumb for ages and looks to me for help.I look the other way. Dad , using his daddy authority tells."Nariyal Chutney , Drive Amma to Varkeys".I put an expression as if I have been dumb ever since I was born to my mom and dad and retorts back , "I cant hear". Now dad gives me that pleading look with out showing the same to Amma and I have to accede as a good obedient son :). Dad continues reading his paper and drinking his tea relieved.

However these shopping trips where I accompany ladies pushing the Varkeys shopping cart have always been voyages of discovery{ies} and seriously I love these times because whatever my mom purchase is for my bro , father and me. I discovered that my mom picks up 100% of the items from the middle shelf put 99% of them back after asking 100% of questions about these 99% items to an exasparated salesgirl and then puts the rest 1% in her bag with out asking any question to an annoyed salesgirl . Sometimes she puts an extra .5% things out of that 99% in the Varkeys shopping bag if it is advertised for seventeen times in five of the Asianet / Surya serials that she watches everyday.I also discovered that one of my aunts took any product that was advertised by a leading star MohanLal. I have named this phenomenon as Celebrity Rubbing effect in MBA lingo (Other MBA's beware : this term has already been patented by me).

Nariyal Chutney also discovered that one of my lady cousins took only the Grandma Pickle brand because she claims the advertisements showcasing Kaviyoor Ponnamma (an old actress with a royal Grand Mom Grace in Malayalam movies) remind her of our Old and darling Grandmother.I also learnt how to strategically relocate all the little tiny tot cousins to places without toffies , chocolates and cakes in a super market by aunties and uncles to save money and nurture family peace.Hmmm.. not bad.. but it seemed a very boring proposition in a swanky North Indian Mall, especially with a bulldozer like Miss:RS (Soon to turn Mrs:RS) who crushes anything that comes in her front with the speed of her tongue and the long list of questions .

Mrs:RS however has not realised that I am under severe non compliance mood and proceeds to United Colors of Benetton showroom . Mentally I allocated 30 minutes for UCB and it is a reverse counting process.

30th Minute : Mrs RS inside the UCB Showroom , all sales guys trying to woo her with out realising the danger ahead.

25th minute : First Stroll, Deciding what to buy

20th minute : First Salesman almost faints after explaining something about a pink top to Mrs:RS for 5 minutes after running out of features to promote the pink top.

15th minute : Second Salesman jumps over the counter and the door and escapes without looking back after the question barrage from Mrs :RS for 5 minutes.

10th minute :Hurray! @ least she likes something and takes a green pullover. The shop owner who is watching the entire transaction is beaming but frowns when she puts it back.

5th minute : She asks for a suggestion about a blue tops and the reply from Nariyal Chutney makes her retort with a brief refernce to the lack of taste of guys in general with special emphasis on color blindness.

2nd minute:She comes out wearing the blue tops and Nariyal Chutney keeps studied silence because there is no point in lecturing to a lion about the need of becoming a vegetarian.She puts it back saying her mother wont like it.Nariyal Chutney thinks why she didnt think about her mother before trying it for five minutes in the dressing room.

0th minute : Nariyal Chutney looks at the watch impatiently

-5th minute: Walk out without buying anything (as expected by Nariyal Chutney ) blaming the lack of fashion sense in the guy who is the head of world wide design in United Colors of Benetton and all members of Benetton family in Italy

-10th minute: Nariyal Chutney looks at the watch and remarks that the film parzania starts at 4'O Clock and we should be in the theatre at least by 5'O Clock.

Mrs:RS gets the hint and generally makes a comment on patience of guys . Nariyal Chutney secretly wanted to make an immediate call to the guy who is going to marry Miss:RS making her Misss:RS wishing an All the best . I wanted to inform the guy about the dangers and bumps in the married life that is lying ahead for the next 40 years .Hope he is aware about the inflation and rising cost of garments in India. All the Best dude. This will help you in understanding consumer behavior.

Both of us walk into the theatre 5 minutes late and the film has already started.The manager of Amba Theatre near Delhi University still tells the story about how Miss:RS cried when she came to see the movie Vivah and how Rapid Action Force had to be deployed to save everyone else in the theatre from floods.Mrs:RS makes a comment in genreal to the audience in the extreme back row after sitting in the fourth row from front about how she is wasting a Sunday evening with a duffer like me in a theatre watching an award movie. Some 150 pairs of eyes from various corners of the dark theatre start searching for the duffer and I sat down before Mrs:RS starts making any more comments to create any more scandals.

The movie started and I was thankful that I watched the review of Rajeev Masand.I never miss any of his reviews as it has been always free entertainment in TV on Friday night. The only other person who can compete with him is Navjot Singh Sidhu when Sidhu talks some sense.

Some of the True Dialogues

"Remember to carry a handkerchief, or you'll embarrass yourself with your tears. " From Woh Lamhe

"As difficult as it is to believe, I think my hair turned a little more grey while watching Jaan-e-mann this week. I can't believe I'm searching for logic in a film like this!". From Jaan e mann

"He has the IQ of a genius, the strength of a bull and the speed of a cheetah. He leaps across rivers, climbs mountains effortlessly and zips around faster than a speeding jet. He also falls hook, line and sinker for Priyanka Chopra, who's on an adventure holiday in his part of the world, and before long he follows her all the way to Singapore to ask her hand in marriage.My biggest complaint against Krrish is directed towards its screenplay: It stinks." From Krrish

"Have you ever slammed your head against a wall repeatedly for three hours? .But if you are curious to know how that might feel, then don't miss this week's new Bollywood release, director Tanuja Chandra's Zindaggi Rocks.Even the most senseless films usually have at least something that's worth appreciating, but with my hand on my heart I can swear there is nothing in this film that deserves any special mention and Sushmita Sen looks as out of place as a sweater on a very hot Indian Summer. On top of all this we get dialogue that is so contrived that I'm willing to offer a cash prize to the first person who can convince me that any normal human beings ever talked remotely like these characters at any time during the last hundred years."-From Zindaggi Rocks

Then Rajeev Masand has this special Yuckometer and I consider this as the most accurate measurement for any Hindi movie.If you dont know who is Rajeev Masand login to CNN IBN on Friday nights and the guy who shouts the most with red tomatoes in hand is Rajeev Masand.

Whatever , Rajeev Masand is absolutely right about Parzania and I was lucky to watch the show last Friday.

" It's not the greatest film I've seen, it's not the kind of film I could watch over and over again. And yet, it's a film I'll recommend to as many people as I can. "

It is a good film and is you get a chance to see , never miss it.

Even Mrs:RS was in a sad state of mind after seeing Parzania. She cried a lot and remarked when we were walking out "Such Kinds of things do happen in the world and in India, Is it ?" which in turn means that I dont have to treat her with a dinner but still we had dinner thinking about the movie , riots and Azhar.

Yes Maam , what a pity that this movie is a "mall audience movie" and wont be seen by masses in India or for that matter every one in this world.No wonder , Times of India and Rajeev Masand of CNN IBN agreed that a movie is good for the first time in the Indian movie review history.


prince said...

Have you seen the new India search engine they added all the cool features of popular products like
MySpace, YouTube, Ebay, Craigslist, etc. all for free to use and specifically for India. Anyone else try this yet? First to Blend Search,
Social Network, Video Sharing and Auctions Into One Seamless Product for Indian Internet Users.

prince said...

Have you seen the new India search engine they added all the cool features of popular products like
MySpace, YouTube, Ebay, Craigslist, etc. all for free to use and specifically for India. Anyone else try this yet? First to Blend Search,
Social Network, Video Sharing and Auctions Into One Seamless Product for Indian Internet Users.

prince said...

Have you seen the new India search engine they added all the cool features of popular products like
MySpace, YouTube, Ebay, Craigslist, etc. all for free to use and specifically for India. Anyone else try this yet? First to Blend Search,
Social Network, Video Sharing and Auctions Into One Seamless Product for Indian Internet Users.

Neihal said...

Wow!! you packed a lot in one post :D
movies,television, malls, UCB(I like it), and Ladies Consumer Behaviour..hahaha

silverine said...

I second Neihal, you did pack in lots... dont think I can watch Parzania, such movies only make me angry at our pathetic eunuch citizenry that lets a bunch of buffoons rule over them.

mathew said...

long but a really entertaining read...just like u said i always go shopping with Mom..but i enjoy it sometimes..and it happens that mom has to control my urge to lift the chocolates i keep on picking all the time.. :-P

And havent you seen the brighter side of things..your Moms friend who had come with her 'chweet 'daughter to the shop..licensed vaazhilnokking happens!!!

taks said...

Yeah, like Neihal said, you sure packed in a punch ... Movies & Ladies, malls & Mallus, Benetton & Varkeys ... good post

flaashgordon said...

hey...tht was nice reading. Want to watch Parzania for sure now..Guess u had a hard time marketing it to a Bollywoodized Delhi girl for god's sake ;-)

Seema said...

That was a sleek package of events !!!!

You are surely graduating on your level of patience, perserverance n the likes...thanks to MS. (would be MRS.) RS !
N yeah not bad on tricks managing the tiny tots..GOOD GOING PAL...

Rajeev Masand on CNN IBN is something i too rely on !

Flyaway Mind said...

entertaining read...btw, shopping is an art for us gals, picking up the right dress:) and by accompanying us,u guys gain by getting to see all the rest shopping-crazy gals !!!hehee

Ajith said...

I liked this switch of conversation very much :)

MRS RS: $#@$@$#%#%#$%%#%, Your Lunch is cancelled

NC: Hey , U have gone slimmer ( This is a Nariyal Chutney strategy. Girls are generally very conscious about their looks and shapes)

-- A very well written post :)

Jo said...

Very good post NC. Liked the humour throughout and the way you concluded. I'm looking forward to see the movie here, not sure if it will come here soon.

Nariyal Chutney said...

Neihal ,Silverine :Never realised the post was too long till I reached the end :) but enjoyed writing it.

Silverine:You should in fact watch this to see how low can the "bunch of bufoons" go to.:P

Mathew: You are such an indecent fellow :) . Picking up chocolates is ok , but doing ornithology when you are supposed to help your mom :).

Taks:I never realised the combo part :)

Flaash: See , It was ok because my MBA was in Marketing and Mrs:RS's was in Finance:)

Seema:Rajeev Masand is interviewing Shilpa Shetty these days in London . Dont know whetehr we will miss our favorite show :)

Flyawaymind: Hmm , That was a bonus that I realised after Mathew's comment . Next time I will surely take it up :)

Ajith : Yupz , You can employ the same strategy as long as gal is not aware :)

Jo :Thanks Jo , Movie will come to Thrissur and sure will play for one week :). Keralites are supposed to be interested in intellectual cinema.

Wanderlust said...

ha ha post mate...
Rajeev Masand surely rocks ....Harshest critic..happens I guess when you get to interview all the hot ladies of bollywood and go home with none...

Good that Kusum set up that list of hers...
Nitwits do need to visit each other more often...

Jasmine said...

those few sensible girls in Delhi University


Though shall pay for this, misogynist! Or is your hatred only against DU girls? Did one jilt you in some not-so-long-forgotten past? Haha! That must be it! :D

Nariyal Chutney said...

@ Wanderlust : Sometimes I think Rajeev masand should learn from the Bond. Whatever happens he finally manages to get the girl.

@ Jasmine:Let me rephase it as "few sensible girls out of the girls I know in Delhi University". Assuming All the gals I didnt know in DU are sensible.No one jilted me :O . I was a chronic bachelor among all those temptation in North Campus . You know what I mean :)

Amooma said...

a hurtful lecture, humorously delivered, on ladies' consumer behaiour. sniff. well, yes , i know. have worn the shoe on my foot. and prefer to shop alone. wy dont u think up some idea to make all women shop alone or in girl groups only? :P

Parzania, heard its good , but realized its not my type of movie. :)

Anonymous said...

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.