Thursday, May 24, 2007

Some Highly Intellectual Thoughts about Marriage

What is the most exciting thought in a bachelor's life?


What is the most frightening thought in a bachelor's life?

Answer of the first question

Jo wrote in one of his posts . How True ?

Marriage seems to be the most important decision in life taken with the least amount of information and I have always fancied my chances of eloping with a girl after loving her for sometime if I don't get bored. But one of my second cousins who is a state award winning actress from Kerala eloped even before I could execute my plan and after seeing the plight her parents went through I have put the idea of eloping in cold freezer permanently.

Marriage to me always looked like this wonderful union which ushers in a beautiful life of companionship , sharing sorrows and celebrating life with somebody from opposite sex(Please note this) on one side while washing clothes , cleaning diapers , buying vegetables and endlessly boring shopping trips on other side . Now if I look at the friends and all the couples I know in this world (which comes to a sizable number) most of them seems to be leading a boring / interesting life oscillating between these two ends . There are boring experiences like this and things to look forward to like this.

Now if you tried to diagrammatically represent marriage in MBA style on how to select a partner it comes to something like this .

Copyrighted to : The Person who created this diagramme

When we work on cases in our bschools, there are multitudes of efficient diagrammes like these that we include in all our solutions. I have got lot of experience in the friend circle , Zone of Pain and awkardness . Traditional Marriages are like a straight line which starts with the Zone of Pain and jumps straight into marriage zone . Love Marriages progress vertically reaches the friend zone , then crosses into the dating zone and may end up in marriage potential . Whatever this diagramme does not guarantee on what will happen in Null Set which is essentially the married life.Most of the people who can identify where they are currently and where they want to go waste less time in any relationship.

This is a nice diagrammatic solution to depict all the problems faced at this stage of life and when you are in any relationship . Apparently the problem with this representation is that it does not offer any solution to the external parameters like the trouble due to snooping relatives who want to get you married at any cost. My peaceful voyage as a chronic bachelor who is writing this blog called nariyalchutney occasionally goes through all the commotions and storms when I encounter some relatives who start putting so much pressure on me to get married and these days it is becoming less because they have either started thinking that I am a gay(Please read what you noted earlier) or has already married some unknown girl secretly.

There is this aunt from Kattapana who came with this proposal and my mother described to me as if I am the biggest loser in the whole world If I don't accede to their request of seeing this girl who is a doctor from St:John's Medical College in Bangalore.My valid , non biased , intelligent argument that I wont be able to offer stability to the career of a doctor due to my highly mobile , highly pan Indian nature was firmly put into the trash can in the kitchen of our house in Kochi and I think my parents were testing waters. Now , they showed me a photo of the gal who almost looked like a criss cross between Sameera Reddy and Ayesha Takia. I have learnt from my previous experiences that looks , money , status and all other common parameters are only incidental and what matters is the wavelength of the two people involved in the relationship to ensure peace and white doves all around and ensure that you are not in the null set above teh marriage potential in the diagramme above.

For Eg: In marriage , the primary criteria is the father in law. In Short as I told my mother after repeated calls by her and wastage of a lot of STD money .

Who cares about the girl anyway? . I was more interested in speaking to prospective father in law.

Whatever I had a chance to speak to one of my prospective future fathers in law sometime back and I can't wait to tell my mom that the father in law is rejected because he asked me " Do you Drink?" . What an indecent , biased question to ask a prospective future son in law . Obviously everyone knows that after the marriage any decent father in law is supposed to sponsor the drinks and share a small with son in law . When I am looking forward for a company for a small or large how can the guy ask me "Do you Drink?" . That is implicitly understood.

I am still confused on whether he was tryng to match our favorite brands. Whatever , I like Smirnoff Vodka , dear prospective father in law in case you read this blog.


Jo said...


Do you know there is a 'custom' here in Kerala that the son-in-laws actually buy an expensive full bottle liquor for their father-in-laws when SILs go to see them (esp. for palli perunnaals)? So I think most probably the prospective FIL was wondering whether you will be buying him a full bottle if you marry his daughter!!

Man, you missed a good chance!! (if you haven't said NO yet, go ahead and grab your chance!) :-))

Black is beautiful said...


this diagram of urs is so MBAyish(if there is a word like that :D)

Nariyal Chutney said...

@ Jo: I see , all that comes after the marriage :).Well I am not going to say Yes for anything anytime soon . The freedom of Bachelor life is too precious to lose so early.

@BIB: You Bet . I was jumping up and down when I discovered this diagramme while searching for the relationships :)

Umesh said...

I should say that you are not a purush. You are a MAHAPURUSH for that amazing intellectual thoughts.

I just hope that i will get a chance to talk to a prospective FIL so that i could convince him that i'm not a fraud and i do some proper work for a living. :-)

Seema said...

ROFL at that diagram...relationships on paper in lines !!!

With all wishes - May you meet the right prospective father in law soon to share all the smalls n larges thereon...Amen !

Attribution said...


As I see one loved one go through marital trouble; I wish there was some foolproof formula/equation to the whole thing :|

Shek said...

nice one dude...someday I will write about mine ;)

Nariyal Chutney said...

@Umesh : At least I am thankful that you are not thinking that I am a gay like some of my relatives :). There is this Shankar film called Nayak/Muthalvan in which Anil Kapoor / Arjun has to convince his prospective father in law that he is doing a proper job in a TV company . All of us go through predicaments like that so you can count me in for company , dont worry :).

@Seema : Amen , I don't wish :D . Pleasures of bachelor life are too hard to give up.

@attribution : :( , Unfortunately not and you cant go back once a decision is taken . Thats y I said Marriage is teh most important decision in life taken with least amount of info :( . Hope all comes well for your loved ones :).

@shek : Dont wait dude , start writing soon :)

Neihal said...

NC you scared me!!!
ok it was that diagram (what phobia is that??? :P)

and if you blog long enough, dude I will be here to get a few clarifications a few years down the line. And oh I am invited to ur wedding anyways. :D

you are here there everywhere.
Not complaining, I like company. ;-P

Nariyal Chutney said...

@neihal : Yes Yes , All people who read this blog are invited by deafult :) . Hopefully I will survive till then.

@shek:where is rebellion . I just saw the comments in Neihal's blog . Thought you went only where rebellion was there ? :).

The_girl_from_Ipanema said...

Love the diagram!!! very accurate depiction :)

Asmita said...

haha..i liked that diagram!
what abt ppl who dont have both x n y?

Ajith said...

This prospective father in Law angle is something interesting which I had not given much thought into :) .. Interesting insights.. :D

chitra said...


good Graphical explanation.

Nariyal Chutney said...

@ the girl : Ha ha , You bet. Such a nice diagramme . Where do you belong to by the way ?

@asmita : Now , you are talking about people like you and me who dont go by the parameters that others follow :)?. What will be your parameters . We will insert a 3D or 4 D diagramme :).

Nariyal Chutney said...

@ajith : Hmm, there are someother thoughts as well. Think I should write a sequel :)

@chitra: Hmm , Graph seems to be good but dont know how it will come in real life :)

flaashgordon said...

awesome diagram man !! And F-i-l-s who ask do u drink are actually ok..I had several prospective Father in laws who asked my height, weight, take home salary etc on the phone bfore i'd even seen a photo of his precious daughter

Anonymous said...

An interesting phenomenon is the young single Indian male. Emphasis on 'single'. Single Indian women are on the increase and will soon give an alternative to "marriage' for Indian girls. But recent studies have shown a growing trend to remain sigle among educated 28+ Indian youth too. Something to ponder.

Nariyal Chutney said...

@flaash : I see , hmm May be I reacted so strongly because it was my first experience :)

@Anonymous : Whatever women does it is easy to get media coverage . Poor guys like you and me :D

Bullshee said...

He he....funny how you equated marriage directly to cleaning diapers. At the engagement you exchange rings, you drape a sari over your would-be and then she shyly hands you a baby???! :D

But looved the way you tactically put off FILs with Vodka....god knows how many pegs THEY down a day!!!

Amy said...

Nice graph thingie there, dude!

Funny and true.. perfect combination :)

Amooma said...

so, thats something new to me. u guys r scraed of teh FIL, in place of gals' fear of MILs? And good way to scrae them off. How abt suggesting a similarway for MILs?

scorpiogenius said...

Buddy, I'll let you know something..Your older posts are just jewels..Not taking anything away from your recent posts but some of the old posts I went through today have just been delightful to read!

Thanks for the weekend masala! I'm off to the pub, lemme see how I could do with the Vod!