Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Kidult Bloopers

Wow! Never in my life , I thought that MS word will do this to me. I did a Kidult mistake courtesy MS .

Soda ,

Can you please send me the specifications of all advertisements ? Those TV channel guys are after my life.

Best Regards


That was still Ok . But then I decided to send an apology for the mistake where again a kidult mistake occured.

Soda ,

I am really Sorry . The MS Spell Checker :(

The mail was send to Sudha and MS changed her to Soda. The second one had an MS hand in it because I was blaming the spell checker.

Ultimate Mammoo mistake . There was no reaction for the first mail but after the second mail I heard a loud war cry and shriek from the other side of the office where advertisement team sits and Sudha actually turned away from me twice when I met her today . She is practicing Gandhigiri through a non violent retaliation by not speaking to me . She may be thinking that I did it intentionally. Not sure whether I should blame this on Soda or MS.I think I should start Jadu ki Jappi by sending her some rose flowers

It is high time that Microsoft Indianise their spell checker a little bit to suit kidult bloopers.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Some Highly Intellectual Thoughts about Marriage

What is the most exciting thought in a bachelor's life?


What is the most frightening thought in a bachelor's life?

Answer of the first question

Jo wrote in one of his posts . How True ?

Marriage seems to be the most important decision in life taken with the least amount of information and I have always fancied my chances of eloping with a girl after loving her for sometime if I don't get bored. But one of my second cousins who is a state award winning actress from Kerala eloped even before I could execute my plan and after seeing the plight her parents went through I have put the idea of eloping in cold freezer permanently.

Marriage to me always looked like this wonderful union which ushers in a beautiful life of companionship , sharing sorrows and celebrating life with somebody from opposite sex(Please note this) on one side while washing clothes , cleaning diapers , buying vegetables and endlessly boring shopping trips on other side . Now if I look at the friends and all the couples I know in this world (which comes to a sizable number) most of them seems to be leading a boring / interesting life oscillating between these two ends . There are boring experiences like this and things to look forward to like this.

Now if you tried to diagrammatically represent marriage in MBA style on how to select a partner it comes to something like this .

Copyrighted to : The Person who created this diagramme

When we work on cases in our bschools, there are multitudes of efficient diagrammes like these that we include in all our solutions. I have got lot of experience in the friend circle , Zone of Pain and awkardness . Traditional Marriages are like a straight line which starts with the Zone of Pain and jumps straight into marriage zone . Love Marriages progress vertically reaches the friend zone , then crosses into the dating zone and may end up in marriage potential . Whatever this diagramme does not guarantee on what will happen in Null Set which is essentially the married life.Most of the people who can identify where they are currently and where they want to go waste less time in any relationship.

This is a nice diagrammatic solution to depict all the problems faced at this stage of life and when you are in any relationship . Apparently the problem with this representation is that it does not offer any solution to the external parameters like the trouble due to snooping relatives who want to get you married at any cost. My peaceful voyage as a chronic bachelor who is writing this blog called nariyalchutney occasionally goes through all the commotions and storms when I encounter some relatives who start putting so much pressure on me to get married and these days it is becoming less because they have either started thinking that I am a gay(Please read what you noted earlier) or has already married some unknown girl secretly.

There is this aunt from Kattapana who came with this proposal and my mother described to me as if I am the biggest loser in the whole world If I don't accede to their request of seeing this girl who is a doctor from St:John's Medical College in Bangalore.My valid , non biased , intelligent argument that I wont be able to offer stability to the career of a doctor due to my highly mobile , highly pan Indian nature was firmly put into the trash can in the kitchen of our house in Kochi and I think my parents were testing waters. Now , they showed me a photo of the gal who almost looked like a criss cross between Sameera Reddy and Ayesha Takia. I have learnt from my previous experiences that looks , money , status and all other common parameters are only incidental and what matters is the wavelength of the two people involved in the relationship to ensure peace and white doves all around and ensure that you are not in the null set above teh marriage potential in the diagramme above.

For Eg: In marriage , the primary criteria is the father in law. In Short as I told my mother after repeated calls by her and wastage of a lot of STD money .

Who cares about the girl anyway? . I was more interested in speaking to prospective father in law.

Whatever I had a chance to speak to one of my prospective future fathers in law sometime back and I can't wait to tell my mom that the father in law is rejected because he asked me " Do you Drink?" . What an indecent , biased question to ask a prospective future son in law . Obviously everyone knows that after the marriage any decent father in law is supposed to sponsor the drinks and share a small with son in law . When I am looking forward for a company for a small or large how can the guy ask me "Do you Drink?" . That is implicitly understood.

I am still confused on whether he was tryng to match our favorite brands. Whatever , I like Smirnoff Vodka , dear prospective father in law in case you read this blog.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Smart City , Smart Thinking or a Red Herring

Finally it seems that Smart City is having an effect . A consultant called me today for a position in a reputed company in their soon to be opened office in Kochi after coming across my profile in LinkedIn.It was a relief to get a call like that from a consultant. Never thought it may be possible for the next ten years at least . Offer with a better profile , higher seven figure salary at home , chance to be among the people I care about , Eating Shawarma , Masala Dosa and giving company to my retired parents. Hmm, everything sounded so attractive. But I am having the time of my life in the new company with an industry that I wanted to be with . At least this indicates that I can go back to Kochi sometime in future If I want to, though I dont think I will be doing it any time soon.

Smartcity seems to be a sign of pragmatism overcoming dogma and shedding of antediluvian ideas by LDF.Is it a sign of Comrade Achu changing with the times due to political pressures?Whatever , I find it silly that opposition is creating noise about Smart City. When Comrade Achu was in opposition he created a lot of noise about the proposed project and now when he is basking in the glory the current opposition is creating hue and cry. It is about the same project for which they had batted for.What a pity? Even the dog in front of Trivandrum Secretariat knows that this will create employment. Only Creation of Jobs will remove poverty and will utilise underemployed labour not strikes and hartals . It has been long time the politicians in Kerala has put this thought into a trash.

Today's Leftism is to Create Jobs , remove poverty - West Bengal Chief Minister Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee remarked in a recent article in Financial Express . Not sure whether Comrade Achu took a study class from his Bengali counterpart who seems to be on the realistic and practical side. Smart City is at least having an effect and seems to be a step to be on the side where action is taking place.Often I wondered how Communists could exhort about alleviation of poverty at the same breath in which they were giving a strike call.Jobs cannot be created by strikes , hartals and bandhs.Only a fool will invest in a state where there are frequent strikes and militant trade unions who want their interests protected at any costs .

What would have propelled Comrade Achu to give a green flag to Smart City?Has he realised the limitations of his ideology or is it a red herring from his {mis}governance in the state for last one year.In Last one year he has emphasized his anti industrial archaic ideologies a number of times by banning sale of colas in the state and by asking Microsoft to log out of schools and government departments . He had also articulated some golden speeches like blaming UDF for Chikungunya . I don't care what he did or said in last one year as long as he is giving me a chance to go back to Kerala through creation of few good projects that gives people like us jobs out there in our home state. I am happy that consultants have started calling me with job offers in Kerala with same salary as I am getting in other metros.

Signs of Change Hopefully.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Chasing an IAS Dream

On the first day of engineering some lecturer came inside and asked all of us what you want to do . I remember only two answers . One was mine and other was his . He said he wanted to clear civil services exam.

When so many guys wasted their time in engineering college listening to boring lectures and eyeing fairer sex , he devoted some of his time to read public administration and general studies after doing what others did.

He was one of those good guys who wanted to Change India. Finally after debating on so many things both of us wrote "Keen and Avid Watcher of Global and Indian Scenario" in our resumes for the placements.As Global and gyanny as it can get.He suggested me to do so .Both of us cleared the interview for the first big software company that came to our college and ended up in mundane jobs that didnt require any brains

When so many guys decided to work for those big software firms after engineering he decided to quit after eight months and go for Civil Services.

When I met him in Delhi after two years he had gone thin but his motivation to clear civil services had not reduced by an iota and in fact I felt it had increased by tantamount.

I could understand how difficult it was to clear civil services when I saw those long queues for registration of coaching classes in front of popular coaching centres in Delhi.

I could understand how difficult it was to clear civil services only when I met some of teh most brilliant people in Delhi University who had wasted their youth and their prime age chasing an IAS dream finally becoming researchers or politicians.

I felt very bad for him when he told me about all problems in his personal life and how somebody who was considered too close to him left him when he didnt qualify for civil services the second time . I was reminded of Estella in the Great Expectation of Charles Dickens who loved people only based on their position and money and who believed only in breaking hearts.

I hoped against hope that he will qualify for the interview because last time he had missed it by 10 marks .This year he was among those 1000+ who qualified for interview.

Final results and selection list came out yesterday and his phone was switched off . I was dispapointed . Not Again . I knew that this time it was a trial by fire for him this time.

There was a call today morning and I had been waiting for this call for the last four years from him . He is among those nine Keralites in Top 100 this year in Civil Services.

Finally your hardwork and dedication has paid off dude . Way to GO!

Congrats :).

Monday, May 14, 2007

Life in a Metro

Superb cast and Illicit Affairs all around the screen . But Life in a Metro is a nice movie worth watching with some real life twists .Somehow it has a shade of metro life other than the metro band which jumps into the screen periodically and screams a song.

Image Courtsey / Review : See Here

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Happy Days , Sad Days

I think I would have been in III standard and around 10 years old and my brother would have been around 6 years in KG .I'd kneel before the picture of Christ before each exam and pray to god to process the application for letting me pass the exam and my brother would join me in exerting more pressure on the application . Moi always had an unknown fear about exams even though I never missed an A grade through out in school.Now college and post graduation is a different matter all together as you all who went to college will know.Simply , no one go there to study . You had laready done that is school, why waste time ?

We'd pray, sing a song in our sweet little voices and the benevolent Christ looked down at us amusingly from up there. Obviously I liked to imagine he was benevolent because he was supposed to give me more marks in the exam. My parents had such a hearty laugh when they came back from shopping , though I wonder whether they remember it now and I can't even think of both of us singing for anything together these days . My God! What a spectacle it is going to be :P , so much of noise pollution :).

:) Happy days, those were...

Inspired by :

These days things that I do include negotiating with people who speak in a language like this

百度签约信产部CSIP 跨入开源软件商业应用
百度征文第三季开锣 联想、IPod 大奖装备“搜索超人”
跻身“十年新锐” ,百度影响力迅速蹿升

and planning to ask Himesh Reshamiyya what is under his cap when I am meeting him on a TV show.

:( Sad days, these are..

Missing those happy days and those little stupidities :P

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


Some babies are being adopted and some babies are being created.There are few babies crying here and there for my attention and moi wondering which one should I give my attention to since I am single and there is no partner. But the baby policy of nariyal chutney has always been that

The guy who enjoyed the night should take the ownership of the baby

Babies.... Please keep quiet.

10000 is not as big as 100000 or 1000000 or 10000000 but still....

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

123/5 Tag for Ladies Coupe

Tagged ... by neihal.. two weeks back on 123/5 tag and this seems to be strange and interesting tag.

The rules:

1. Name the person (of course with the link) who tagged you.

2. Describe what you are asked to do, in this case publish 5th paragraph of page 123 of the book you are currently reading. (if the page does not have 5th paragraph, take the last paragraph. And if the book doesn’t have page no. 123, take the last page.)

3.Tag five people.

I like reading 3-4 books at a time . Currently I am reading Shantaram the popular book by Gregory David Roberts , iWoz the autobiography Steve Wozniak , the co founder of Apple Inc , It's not about the bike:My journey back to life , an amazing book on how Lance Armstrong fought with Cancer , came back to life and won Tour De France and Ladies Coupe by Anita Nair.

The 5th paragraph of page 123 of Ladies Coupe looks interesting enough among all these books so that I can bitch about Indian Angrezi lady writers and Anita Nair is one of my favorite writers from Kerala who writes in English and is worth reading. At least in Betterman and Ladies Coupe she tells us where all women can find problems with men in married life or in any other relationship (Bachelors , {would be} spinsters and all those people out there who are single please take note).

There were two reasons for me to buy this book. The primary reason was that it was by Anita Nair and it was out of stock in most bookstalls . The second reason is that I found the title Ladies Coupe very strange . It is a special counter for ladies in overnight trains that existed long time back and I came to know about this when I started worrying about how my mother would travel safely in her journeys across Kerala.

The 5th paragraph of page 123 reads like ..

It showed on me; in the double chin , in the rolls of fat around my waist ; in the thickness of my calves and the puffiness of my wrists .I hated to look at myself in the mirror. But at least I was no longer Daddys little girl.

Thoughts by a lady about her body vis a vis her husbands when facing a middle life marriage crisis. The book is a collection of experiences by ladies who met each other in the ladies coupe of a train about their lives . A treasue and potential collection by all feminists and would be feminists and intersting reading for non-feminists.

Find it amusing and strange that in books , serials and in most media woman is always featured as the victim and the man as a terror who dominates her life . None of the stories in this book is different , it is about how Man1 dominated Woman1s life and Man2 tortured Woman2 and so on though there are some non cliche stories as well.

This is a secret . Even when I go through trends in blogging it is amusing to see many women blogging first about romance and then about the problems in relationships while men blog about Current affairs , world cup cricket and Kashmir Issue (Grinning , Thanks Thanks for all those MCP boos).

If you exclude people like Shobha De who dissolves some **x and ***k with Page 3 to sell books and include Arundhati Roy and people like Kamla Das who sits in Kolkata and write about Malabar so poetically as

Wild feet stirring up the dust in my home in Malabar and I so far away

women writing in good Indian Angrezi seemed to be a rare species.

But Anita Nair is good even though I don't know whether she will suit the tastes of everyone, especially the cola drinking , shit swearing , barista going , orkut browsing , IT booming , post liberalisation kewl people in my generation.

Somehow Anita Nair reminds me about a character played by Geetu Mohandas in the Malayalam film Raapakal starring Mammootty . Whatever , read an interview of Anita Nair by a blogger here

Tagging five people {thinking all of them read and each of them is reading books with nice 123/5 sentences}
Umesh , Attribution , Mathew , Jina and Jo

Thanks Neihal for the tag :).